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6 Tips for Playing Hard to Get

Although it might seem silly for someone to pretend that they’re a little less into you than they really are, this type of restraint is one of the ways by which some people gauge the extent of each other’s interest when dating. In addition, if you don’t play hard to get, you might come off as needy, calculating, or worst of all, desperate. Then again, if you play too hard to get, you’ll seem standoffish and cold, even a snob.

Follow these steps to find a good balance when playing hard to get, and remember, dating is not an exact science; it’s more of a game, with lots of guesswork, self-confidence, and risk-taking involved.

Steps

1. Enjoy being single. If you’re busy enjoying your life as it is, playing hard to get will come naturally because you’ll have too much going on in your everyday life to be easily available. And if you think about it, deep down, this is what makes being hard to get so appealing. A busy person is, more often than not, more interesting and fun than a person who is bored. Indeed, often the less interesting person is seeking the vicarious thrill of your experiences, hoping these will to rub off on them.
2. 

   Avoid thinking about unreal future possibilities when you’ve only just met

   Avoid being or appearing to be needy. Being desperate or clingy is the polar opposite of playing hard to get. Develop the patience to let things develop at a pace based on someone else’s interest rather than on yours. Don’t let the fact that all your friends seem to be already dating or married; instead, pace yourself and say “so what” to yourself – it just isn’t your time yet and there is no deadline on pairing up with another person.

3. Be as vague as you can get away with. The key is to keep the other person asking questions so that they can find out more about you. For example:
   • If asked what you did last weekend, say “I hung out with some people I know.”
   • If asked what you’re doing this Friday, say “I’m not sure yet.”
   • Use a lighthearted, flirtatious tone, and smile. You don’t want to sound completely uninterested or flippant, so even if you keep your answers short, keep them sweet as well.
   • The habit of never quite answering with the entire facts can be a useful habit to start even at the beginning of a confirmed relationship, as it lets the other person know what will happen if they pry too much! This lets you maintain your boundaries.
4. 

   Got to make the most of the snow season!

   Don’t make yourself too easily accessible. If he or she calls you, don’t answer all the time, and wait a day or two before calling back. A good rule of thumb is to wait about twice as long as they do before calling back.

   • If the call is urgent, for example, if they want to make plans for that night, consider ignoring the call; it’ll show the person that your time is valuable, and if they want to get together, they need to plan accordingly. (Of course, accept that sometimes a spontaneous date can be romantic and fun, but that’s not the main subject of this article.)
   • In terms of texting, it’s generally a good idea to avoid responding immediately. Wait anywhere between fifteen minutes to several hours. Keep that special someone on their toes!
5. If he or she asks you out, don’t make plans right away. Say “maybe” or that you’re “not sure” and that you have to check your schedule. Ask them to get back to you later in the day, or the following day. And occasionally, say you can’t make it because you have other plans. Of course, if you’re interested in this person, offer to make plans on a day that you’re supposedly free, whether it’s the day after or the next weekend.
6. 

   Be a free spirit. Whenever someone gets clingy, pull away. Shy away from firm answers or commitments. Try to leave as many options open for yourself as possible, for as long as possible. Expect anyone you date to follow the steps in How to Tame a Free Spirit. It’s also helpful if you know how to spot the signs of a clingy person, including:

   • They constantly email, text, or phone you even though you haven’t responded to anything. They’ll even call to say “I missed a call. Was that you?!”
   • They always call first. Often it’s before you’re even up.
   • You have observed that they don’t seem to do much else in their life, apart from hanging around you. When you ask them what they do, they can’t really tell you anything else other than going to work or studies.
   • Insecurity stalks them like a hunter follows prey. It’s also clear from talking to them that they have a happiness deficit with respect to their own life and sense of life’s purpose. Related to their insecurity is the need to agree with everything you say.
   • You can spend hours telling them the dullest details of your hobby or work and they sit there, riveted. It’s not likely you’ll have the patience to test this sign though – you’re too busy!

Video

Tips

• Don’t approach this from the mindset of playing hard to get. Instead know you’re awesome. Be hard to get.
• Suggested lines for excusing yourself from a date or meet-up (be polite is always the first rule!):
  • “Love to but I’m already booked solid.”
  • “Great idea, maybe this time next week. I’m off camping 200 miles west this weekend. Been looking forward to this off road unicycle expedition for six months!”
  • “I’ve got exams next Tuesday, and a whole lot of cramming this weekend!”
  • “I’m flattered but I’m really busy right now making the most of the powder! Maybe later when the snow’s melted?”
  • “That’s really kind of you. It’s just that – I don’t want to go, it’s not my scene.” This kind of honesty can be extremely sincere provided you mean it, and it can alert the other person to your boundaries again, without making them feel that it’s personally directed at them.

Things You’ll Need

• Hobbies and interests beyond the usual

Related wikiHows

• How to Avoid Being an Obsessive Girlfriend
• How to Make a Guy Jealous
• How to Be Mysterious
• How to Flirt
• How to Avoid Coming Across As Needy

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Posted: September 4th, 2010
at 3:38am by Arif

Tagged with addition, anyone, anything, article, Avoid, balance, beginning, being, call, course, Date, Day, deadline, deficit, email, Enjoy, everyday life, everything, exact science, example, experiences, extent, fact, fifteen, firm, FREE, Friday, fun, game, gauge, going, Got, guesswork, habit, happiness, Hard, Hobby, hunter, idea, insecurity, Interest, Key, life, metAvoid, mindset, NEED, Night, offer, opposite, pace, patience, person, phone, possibilities, prey, pry, purpose, Related, Relationship, respect, restraint, risk, risk-taking, rule, schedule, Science, season, self-confidence, sense, shy, sign, smile, Snob, Snow, someone, spirit, standoffish, subject, Tame, Text, thrill, thumb, Time, tips, tone, Type, unreal, use, vicarious thrill, video, weekend, Work




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